there is nothing in my mind worth writing down (or in this sense, typing) and yet I've felt the deep need to write lately. there are so many things in my mind that I'd like to state, yet I feel as though they wouldn't be for the better of other people, so I won't be saying them. there are things I know that could emotionally harm others, and yet not saying them could hurt them more. so in a way, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. there are things I need to say to some people, but the words I've stated earlier to them caused great pain and hatred in which I can not fix, or at least that's how it seems. if I were to try and say what I need to, my feeling of being ignored would be increased and there would be no way for me to put my emotions across.
there will be a time for me to say what's on my heart eventually, but right now is not the time for those things to be said. I can say little things like when I straighten my hair I feel a different sense of confidence than when it's regularly extremely curly. I can say that at the moment it's painful for me to see former friends hate themselves and hate their life in this town. it's painful for me to see everyday how much they still hate me.
As Adele states in her ever-so popular song,
Rolling in the Deep,
there's a fire starting in my heart. reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark...don't underestimate the things that I will do.
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